truth is stranger (and hopefully stronger) than fiction
Nihil Obstat


Save time

VERITAS TEMPORIS FILIA--or as Francis Bacon is rumoured to have altered, "Truth is the daughter of time, not of authority." I help you save time.

Friendly* support

I could be your support team. I could be your #1 fan. I could be your muse, master, and/or mentor. 
*contract contingent

Easy to use

"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved."
Helen Keller
member of the Socialist Party of America

Grow your business

I know how to grind my grief into gold and spin my sorrows into silver the way Erdős expertly manufactured math from meth, the way Satoshi strategically begat billions from bitcoin.

How it Works

Premium Service for #Legends

We can appreciate not everyone has been afforded the privilege of getting brownwashed™. 

This is why we created Ask a Woman of Color.

We believe everyone deserves an equal opportunity to experience a brownwashing™. Some just have to wait longer than others. 

And that's okay...I guess? The market provides? Right?

"[Paula has] beautiful breasts."

"[Paula's] now a respectable priestess of Kek...Ahaha, I like [Paula's memes]."
Satoshis Cat
"Cambodian ni🅱️🅱️er, get the fuck out of here!"

What is the best choice for you?



Per annum 

  • Basic human dignity
  • Respectful apathy
  • Voided by failure to reciprocate
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Initial consulation

All Standard benefits included, plus:
  • Assessment of Need conducted remotely, textual or aural
  • Free quote
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Per month 

  • Perfect for large companies or large egos
  • Perfect for small companies
  • Perfect for individuals
  • Perfect for academics
  • Perfect for anyone
  • Myriad of services
  • May or may not result in Enthusiastic Consent™

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